Update to the men situation

Alright, I have been neglectful when it comes to the updates on men who have called themselves interested in dating me. For those of you who have been living under a rock the past few days, the Governor of Illinois (affectionately known as G-Rod) was arrested a few days ago and since then, Illinos has been on the map. Well, I decided I am going to take a cue from him and use monikers for people as I blog. So, instead of me saying "I'm going to call this person Joe", they will now be referred to as "Person of Interest (PoI)" and a number will follow.

So, "Person of Interest #1" is someone who claim(s)/(ed)to have an interest in me but felt pressured (not sure from who. I think it was his family. He made a choice that didn't have a direct affect on me, but it made me question his parenting and decision making skills. I think part of his decision had to do with him being selfish and possibly being irresponsible. I actually like(d) him. (It's probably closer to past tense now.) Age: Mid-40's Marital Status: Never married Offspring: 1 Family: I met them and there seems to be a mutual liking (hence the pressure).

UPDATE #1: I spoke with him last night and he put his sexy voice on (that's what he called it)but to me it sounded more like I was expecting someone else. I initiated the phone call to let him know how my classes were on yesterday. (He sent me a text message a week ago asking me about my day and I told him about one of my classes that has been giving me the flux since the beginning of school.) I saw him on Tuesday because he stopped by for something unrelated to me. He was checking me out because he told me my hair was still looking good even though it was almost time for me to get it done.

"Person of Interest #2" is someone who has been around for some time and there has always been chemistry between us, but the timing is always off. We have been good friends and always have each others back. I like him but I don't think the romantic feelings are still there. If they are, there are some other issues I have with him. Age: Mid 40's Marital Status: Divorced Offspring: 1 Family: I met one brother. Mom has heard about me, never met.

UPDATE #2: I spoke with him Thursday morning to tell him about my steppin class. (He was supposed to teach me.) I just called to rub it in his face about him not fulfilling his end of the bargain.

"Person of Interest #3" is someone who I met a few years ago. Seems to be nice, but has some issues with offspring. A little bit too clingy for me. Thinks we should have fallen in love, gotten married and had a baby and called it Nate (if it was a boy). Age: Mid 40's Marital Status: I don't believe he has been married, but he did shack-up with someone Offspring: 2 Family: Never met them and I don't plan on meeting them.

UPDATE #3: I spoke with him the day after Thanksgiving and he told me how one (if not both) of his daughters held a party when he was at work and their friends cleaned him out. I always told him he needed to spend more time with them when he's off, but what do I know? I'm just the 800 lb gorilla in the room. We also had a conversation about how I don't feel like I should have to tell an adult male who thinks he is a man how he should treat a lady. I told him that most men are not ready for a lady like me (same thing I told Person of Interest #1)

"Person of Interest #4" is someone I met a few months ago. I can tell this person is interested but there a few reasons why I wouldn't consider dating him. One is he has a small child (smaller than I'm willing to be bothered with).The other reason is, I think the best way to put it is there will be a conflict of interest. Age: Mid 30's Marital Status: Unknown Offspring: 1 small child Family: Never discussed this

UPDATE: I enjoy talking to this person and he seems nice. He would probably be a good catch if I was willing to deal with a small child. It wouldn't work because of the conflict of interest.(No, he did not date anyone I know.)

"Person of Interest #5" is someone I've known for a few years. We've gone out a few times and that's pretty much the extent of it. He is nice, but ALWAYS has to be right or a know-it-all. He will do whatever I ask, but I can't stand his know it all attitude. Age: Early-Mid 40's? Marital Status: Divorced Offspring: 1 known (I think there may be more) Family: N/A

UPDATE: I went out to lunch with this individual a few weeks ago and I now realize why I wouldn't consider dating him seriously.

Now, I don't talk to all of this people on a regular basis. They call in spurts. I may only talk to one of them consistently. What baffles me is how they make these absurd assumptions that I want them. I may have felt that way at one point, but for the most part that chapter of my life is closed.

What in blueblazin is wrong with these students?

When people go to school to become a teacher, the majority of the stuff taught does not prepare you for the classroom. Yesterday, I gave my students an open book test on Huck Finn. I had been telling them to make sure they read if they hadn't already done so. Now, a lot of my students claim they would pass an open book test if given one. I kept telling them they wouldn't because they would spend the majority of their time looking for the answers because they didn't read. Now, I watched many of them and they had just started reading yesterday. It was quite comical to me because some of them think they can outsmart the teacher.

My third period class has 20 boys and 10 girls. About 8 of the students are special education students. There is supposed to be a provider in there everyday for them, but sometimes I don't see one. I now sometimes the special education teachers say they are in meetings with parents, but I'm not too sure about that and I don't think it is legal to not come in the class. Anyway, my issue is with the regular education students. There are about 7 or 8 of the boys who like to act out and feed off each others negativity. Yesterday and the day before I had to step out of my element and meet them on their level. I don't like to do that, but it seems like that is the only way to really get their attention. I should have mentioned that this tomfoolery has been going on since the 2nd or 3rd week of school. I've calld homes and the situation hasn't improved.

One of the boys called himself trying to insinuate that he could be with my daughter in a sexual manner. My friend who teaches at a different school said I should have written him up. I told her, I don't operate like that. I said some less than stellar things about him and his momma. For those of you who don't know, that's the ultimate no-no when it comes to Black students. All of the other kids in the class were like "Whoa, she went hard" which means I really got him good.

After this class, I went to the programmer to let him know how difficult this class is and something has to be done. I never have had to do this and this is the first and last time I will have to do it. I wrote down the students' name and what they do. The principal went around and found all of them and spoke to them personally. They said the work is too hard and they didn't know how to write a paper. I never knew this because the act a plum fool in class. She also told them if she hears anything negative from any of their teacher's they are out of the school.

I am so grateful the principal supported me on this issue. When I was speaking with my other friends who teach, they express the same sentiments as I. They had to step out of their element with some of their students as well. I guess it is in the air. I am wondering why/how some of these students can act foolish all of the time. It's like they are never serious about anything. It is my prayer that they get it together real soon.

Restricted

Today my daughter and I went to a few open houses. I got an e-mail from the Chicago Public Schools (CPS) housing office. There were two developers who are selling some of their properties at an auction. I am not financially prepared to make this purchase as of now, but I wanted to see what was available. There are a certain number of properties that the developer will sell regardless of price. Now, I know some of you may say that's great. I thought so also, but my concern is people who don't need the property may get it.

For those of you who don't know, people who work for the Chicago Board of Education and other City offices, are required to live in the city. Now, I know some people who scheme and lie about this, but I don't want to take that risk. Believe it or not, people have lost their jobs for living outside of the city. Nonetheless, I actually like living in the city and working for CPS. What I don't like is the price of "affordable" housing. I don't know about many people, but my salary does not allow me to afford this "affordable" housing. I think the City of Chicago and the Board of Education should work closely with these developers and management companies to offer better deals just for city employees. My sister lives in Virginia and her county offers educators (I think military as well) discounts on everything. Now, why can't/doesn't Chicago offer a program like this? I think certain apartment complexes in Virginia set aside a certain number of apartments for educators. I don't think the educators are required to put up a security deposit (if so, it's discounted).

Maybe I am asking too much, but I want to purchase a townhouse/home/condo for my daughter and I. I don't want to spend my entire paycheck on housing. I also want to live in a decent area. Am I asking too much?

How may times do I have to tell you to STOP calling me?!

Here's the deal: This guy I'll call Joe (he, he) keeps calling me. Now he and I dated (at least I thought so until he said differently)for about 3-4 years. He was always very evasive about some things. I have learned in my lifetime that sometimes it's better to sit back, shut up and watch how things unfold. Well, about four years ago, we stopped all communication with each other. Frankly, I was tired of him and his inability to show me how much of a priority I was to him. Well, just recently I saw him and his family at church (I guess it's his wife and son) and since then he's been calling me. Now, I had to ask him where did all this renewed interest come from because it wasn't like we were in a relationship or anything. Now when I reminded him of that he got all beasty (crazy) and was like what are you talking about. I don't think people realize that words can be very powerful and hurtful and sometimes we don't realize the foolish things that may have come out of our mouths because we have matured or been humbled. Anyway, he was upset that I reminded him of this comment. I mean come on, how can you go out with an individual for some years and spend time together, but not call it a relationship? What was it?

Anyway, I keep telling him that nothing is going to happen, there are no romantic feelings on my behalf and even if there were some, Joe made his decision a few years ago and I accepted it. He chose to be with someone else and I respected it because he could give me the things I desired. Why would I want to entangle myself in that kind of tomfoolery? I just don't get men sometimes. When they have a situation that may not be the perfect, they go elsewhere looking for something better. Then once the wool is removed from their eyes, they want to come crawling back. That's just plain ol' craziness. What is really comical to me is it seems like Joe had realized that he probably made a decision that wasn't the best and now he is regretting it.

To the fellas, when you have a woman who is into you and "you're just not that into her" don't come calling her years later thinking that you can have her back. For the most part when a woman is finished with a man, that's it. If that relationship is dead, she isn't going to resurrect it.

Beautiful Black

I purposely waited to blog about President-Elect Obama. I believe he is going to make some changes; however I want to caution many people to remember that he is a man. I think a lot of Black people are looking for him to be their savior.

In order for change to take place, we must be willing to work towards it. This means we must get up out of our comfort zone and make some things happen. It is my prayer that this change inspires many Black males to be a father and not just a sperm donor or a part-time/no-time fixture in their child's life. It is also my desire that the Black family becomes united again. There was a time when momma and daddy were at home rearing their children. Now it's momma or grandma going it alone.

I also hope that the Obama's will bring back the style that Blacks used to have. If you look at pictures from the 50's and 60's (maybe the 70's) when Black people went places they were so sharp they had to walk sideways so they wouldn't cut you. What happened to those days? I remember when people used to dress up for weddings, funerals, church, and other events. It is a rare thing to see people dressing for anything. I am wondering how we became so lax? Why do people go to work looking like they are going fishing? Why do young girls think it is acceptable to come outside with a rag tied around their head? Don't they realize they are perpetuating the stereotypes about Blacks when they continue to do these things?

I know First Lady in waiting Obama is going to bring that class back to the American women. I hope they aren't at the pond fishing and they miss it.

Addendum to the stupid things men say and do

Yesterday I went to church. My sister and daughter was with me. I saw this guy I used to date there with his family. My sister didn't think the child was his but my daughter and I thought so. I had seen him a few weeks ago but he had come late and left early so I did have an opportunity to speak with him. Well, after I had seen him, I sent him a text message saying so but he didn't reply until Thursday of that week. He wanted to let me know how much of an influence I had on his life. During this conversation I told him I had seen him at church and he told me he was a member there. We got to talking and I explained to him how I had been visiting different churches. He told me if I wanted company give him a call the night before. Now, I am wondering how is he going to go to church with me and he has a family.

Well, I think he and this woman had on wedding rings. I couldn't really tell, but it looked like it. I was wondering if it was real. (He was the one who got me the cheesy gift for Christmas and cheapened it even more by trying to pass it off as something it was not.) Now that I think about it, this occurred about 4 years ago and shortly thereafter I stopped seeing him. This child looks like he is about that age. Hmm.... Maybe that is why he got the cheesy gift, to get rid of me to be with the other woman. Does he really think I'm that stupid?

I don't know why men can't or won't be honest with women. It tickles me when they say stupid stuff like "I didn't know how to tell you" or "I didn't want to hurt your feelings". Well, jackdonkey, when you don't say anything you make the situation worse. I also think men must understand that women don't have these fragile ego's like them. We might be hurt and disappointed, but we are resilient and we will bounce back. A lot of the times we are way too good for them and we have enhanced their lives more than they have enhanced ours.

Ladies, we should be thanking these guys when they relieve us of our headache. We should have an obituary, sympathy card and thank you note ready to send to them when it's over. We need the obituary to let them know that this relationship is dead and there is not possibility of it ever being restored. The sympathy card is to get him through his time of bereavement. The thank you note is to thank him for killing the relationship so the person God has for you can come into your life.

Ethnic Notions is more than a notion.

I rented a movie from the library titled "Ethnic Notions" to use with The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. I didn't watch the video prior to showing my students. I had planned on doing it, but I went knitting on Wednesday evening.

Today we finished watching the video and it was very powerful for some of the students. The documentary traces the history of the stereotypes of Blacks in America. Many of my students did not understand how these images of mammy, sambo, uncle and others came about. They also did not know/understand why Blacks were portrayed with very dark skin (i.e. the minstrel shows), as aggressive brutes, and in a savage manner. We had an opportunity to discuss the video and some of the students got it while others seemed totally lost.

I had to explain to them how some of the stereotypes projected in this video are still perpetuated by Blacks and they think it is entertaining. I gave them a few examples of show that they could relate to that perpetuated some stereotypes about Blacks. One of the shows was "The Wayans Brothers" with the two youngest brothers, Shawn and Marlon. I believe Marlon is the youngest brother and he was portrayed as an aloof young man. A few of the students didn't understand how that perpetuated a stereotype and I had to let them know that it supports the theory that all Black men are stupid.

I also told them about "The Parkers" which portrayed Nikki Parker as this highly sexual being chasing after a man. I also explained that this stereotype is still projected when they watch music videos. I also told the students that when they come to school fighting, they confirm the stereotype that Blacks (especially men) have this strength and they don't know how to articulate themselves so they result to fighting.

The last thing I let them know was that the image/perception of children was that they were unkempt. Their hair wasn't combed and they didn't have on any clothes when they left the house. Now, most of the students wear clothes to school, but they don't always comb their hair. I also explained to them that if someone knows nothing about them or Blacks and have been exposed to the images on the televison, they will believe what the idiot box (i.e. television) has shown them. If the students continue to perpetuate these images, the perception will never change.

The last thing I am going to mention about stereotypes is in my freshman class, we were looking at this website about advertising. There was a quiz about tv and reality. One of the questions asked something about how many times does and actual police officer fire his gun in the line of duty. I think the options were once a week, month, year, or none of the above. The answer was none of the above. Police officers actually rarely use their guns in the line of duty. This new student says" That's not true, they must not go to Black neighborhoods, they use thier guns all the time if you run away." I had to explain to him that that is a stereotype that he has believed.

I am not sure if my sophomore students really understood "Ethnic Notions", but I hope it resonates with some of them. I think the reason many of them didn't really get it was they have been inundated with these stereotypes for so long, they don't know anything else.



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