Beautiful Black

I purposely waited to blog about President-Elect Obama. I believe he is going to make some changes; however I want to caution many people to remember that he is a man. I think a lot of Black people are looking for him to be their savior.

In order for change to take place, we must be willing to work towards it. This means we must get up out of our comfort zone and make some things happen. It is my prayer that this change inspires many Black males to be a father and not just a sperm donor or a part-time/no-time fixture in their child's life. It is also my desire that the Black family becomes united again. There was a time when momma and daddy were at home rearing their children. Now it's momma or grandma going it alone.

I also hope that the Obama's will bring back the style that Blacks used to have. If you look at pictures from the 50's and 60's (maybe the 70's) when Black people went places they were so sharp they had to walk sideways so they wouldn't cut you. What happened to those days? I remember when people used to dress up for weddings, funerals, church, and other events. It is a rare thing to see people dressing for anything. I am wondering how we became so lax? Why do people go to work looking like they are going fishing? Why do young girls think it is acceptable to come outside with a rag tied around their head? Don't they realize they are perpetuating the stereotypes about Blacks when they continue to do these things?

I know First Lady in waiting Obama is going to bring that class back to the American women. I hope they aren't at the pond fishing and they miss it.

Addendum to the stupid things men say and do

Yesterday I went to church. My sister and daughter was with me. I saw this guy I used to date there with his family. My sister didn't think the child was his but my daughter and I thought so. I had seen him a few weeks ago but he had come late and left early so I did have an opportunity to speak with him. Well, after I had seen him, I sent him a text message saying so but he didn't reply until Thursday of that week. He wanted to let me know how much of an influence I had on his life. During this conversation I told him I had seen him at church and he told me he was a member there. We got to talking and I explained to him how I had been visiting different churches. He told me if I wanted company give him a call the night before. Now, I am wondering how is he going to go to church with me and he has a family.

Well, I think he and this woman had on wedding rings. I couldn't really tell, but it looked like it. I was wondering if it was real. (He was the one who got me the cheesy gift for Christmas and cheapened it even more by trying to pass it off as something it was not.) Now that I think about it, this occurred about 4 years ago and shortly thereafter I stopped seeing him. This child looks like he is about that age. Hmm.... Maybe that is why he got the cheesy gift, to get rid of me to be with the other woman. Does he really think I'm that stupid?

I don't know why men can't or won't be honest with women. It tickles me when they say stupid stuff like "I didn't know how to tell you" or "I didn't want to hurt your feelings". Well, jackdonkey, when you don't say anything you make the situation worse. I also think men must understand that women don't have these fragile ego's like them. We might be hurt and disappointed, but we are resilient and we will bounce back. A lot of the times we are way too good for them and we have enhanced their lives more than they have enhanced ours.

Ladies, we should be thanking these guys when they relieve us of our headache. We should have an obituary, sympathy card and thank you note ready to send to them when it's over. We need the obituary to let them know that this relationship is dead and there is not possibility of it ever being restored. The sympathy card is to get him through his time of bereavement. The thank you note is to thank him for killing the relationship so the person God has for you can come into your life.

Ethnic Notions is more than a notion.

I rented a movie from the library titled "Ethnic Notions" to use with The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. I didn't watch the video prior to showing my students. I had planned on doing it, but I went knitting on Wednesday evening.

Today we finished watching the video and it was very powerful for some of the students. The documentary traces the history of the stereotypes of Blacks in America. Many of my students did not understand how these images of mammy, sambo, uncle and others came about. They also did not know/understand why Blacks were portrayed with very dark skin (i.e. the minstrel shows), as aggressive brutes, and in a savage manner. We had an opportunity to discuss the video and some of the students got it while others seemed totally lost.

I had to explain to them how some of the stereotypes projected in this video are still perpetuated by Blacks and they think it is entertaining. I gave them a few examples of show that they could relate to that perpetuated some stereotypes about Blacks. One of the shows was "The Wayans Brothers" with the two youngest brothers, Shawn and Marlon. I believe Marlon is the youngest brother and he was portrayed as an aloof young man. A few of the students didn't understand how that perpetuated a stereotype and I had to let them know that it supports the theory that all Black men are stupid.

I also told them about "The Parkers" which portrayed Nikki Parker as this highly sexual being chasing after a man. I also explained that this stereotype is still projected when they watch music videos. I also told the students that when they come to school fighting, they confirm the stereotype that Blacks (especially men) have this strength and they don't know how to articulate themselves so they result to fighting.

The last thing I let them know was that the image/perception of children was that they were unkempt. Their hair wasn't combed and they didn't have on any clothes when they left the house. Now, most of the students wear clothes to school, but they don't always comb their hair. I also explained to them that if someone knows nothing about them or Blacks and have been exposed to the images on the televison, they will believe what the idiot box (i.e. television) has shown them. If the students continue to perpetuate these images, the perception will never change.

The last thing I am going to mention about stereotypes is in my freshman class, we were looking at this website about advertising. There was a quiz about tv and reality. One of the questions asked something about how many times does and actual police officer fire his gun in the line of duty. I think the options were once a week, month, year, or none of the above. The answer was none of the above. Police officers actually rarely use their guns in the line of duty. This new student says" That's not true, they must not go to Black neighborhoods, they use thier guns all the time if you run away." I had to explain to him that that is a stereotype that he has believed.

I am not sure if my sophomore students really understood "Ethnic Notions", but I hope it resonates with some of them. I think the reason many of them didn't really get it was they have been inundated with these stereotypes for so long, they don't know anything else.



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The stupid things that men say (and do)

I was speaking to a friend today and he and I talk on a regular basis. We have this joke that he is my FB (fake boyfriend). Well, a couple of months ago he purchased a new luxury vehicle. We always share our good and bad times, so I told him to stop by so I can see it. Today, I teased him about how he hasn't taken me for a ride in this new car and he said when he had come by, I was on my way out with my FB. That sparked my latest rant.

I was telling him how I have men interested (so they say) in dating me, but they are not ready for me. I know from other men I have dated (that realized after the fact) what type of woman I am and my worth. Well, I proceeded to rant about how men think because you are a single woman and they are a single man, you automatically want to get married (to them). I had to tell him that I think it is nice that these men think highly of themselves, but who said I wanted to marry them? Now, don't get me wrong, I would like to get married one day, but I want it to be for keeps. I am not going to marry any ole' body who comes along. My friend politely told me that [maybe] my standards are higher than most women and [maybe] I intimidate these men.

I don't know if my standards are high but I think after you reach a certain age, you should be a man of your word. (The same goes for ladies.) I think after you reach a certain point in your life, the foolishness should stop. I don't feel like I should have to tell a man that I like to go out every once in a while. I also don't feel like I should have to tell a man that I like to smell flowers while I am breathing. I also don't think I should have to fight to get a man's time. I should not have to tell him everything that I like to do. I think he should take the time to figure it out if he is truly interested. I think these are things that he should know and understand. I also don't believe I should settle for second best. I work to provide a life for my daughter and myself. I am trying to get some things going for me so I don't necessarily have to work hard my entire life and I don't have a lot of time for stress.

Just the past few weeks, I have gotten calls from guys I haven't spoken to in months/years. One guy told me how he didn't realize how much I had helped him to become the person he is today until after I stopped talking to him. This was the same dude who got me a less than stellar gift for Christmas. If it is the thought that counts, he was truly thoughtless. I told him thank you for allowing me to hear this while I am alive (you do know most people don't share these thing until someone dies)and he really made my day. (I think he did that because I sent him a text message[that he claims he didn't get] after I had seen him and his family[some girl and a child] at church that Sunday.)

Another guy called me and he is too busy trying to get me in his bed he can't clean his house. Now, don't get me wrong, everything I own doesn't have a place, but I don't have crap all over the place (you moved into over a year ago) and call myself tyring to have company. I don't mind a little paper, but when there is paper where furniture should be, something is wrong. Also, when your dishes haven't been washed in over a week and you have a dishwasher, you living nasty.

Then, I had one guy to act a fool because we were supposed to get together and he called to cancel/reschedule at the last minute. Now, I am flexible, but don't act like I don't have a life. He got mad because I had plans for later and he pulled a "B" move and didn't answer my calls. Then he said "He was feeling pressured". I am not sure how when he cancelled on me.

(This happened a while ago, but I had to throw it in.) I also had this one guy try to pretend like he was something he was not. He was trying to be a baller and a shot caller. He invited me out and told me my daughter could come. We rode out to Schaumburg with him and we got something to eat on the way back. Now prior to this, he was trying to act like he had it going on. So I decided we would go to Shaw's Crab House because that and Pompeii's were the only places I noticed. Well, he ordered some gumbo and was picking at it with his fork, only eating the shrimp out of it. He kept on saying to us to get what we wanted, so my daughter (who knows little about being modest) ordered calamari for an appetizer, her entree was shrimp and scallops and we shared a creme brulee for desert. My silly daughter told me that when the check arrived, the guy eyes got real huge. She did wait until a few weeks later to tell me. I laughed so hard. My daughter asked me if I had spoken to him lately and when I told her no, that is when she shared his facial expression with me. She also told me that she probably busted his wallet and he shouldn't have told her to order whatever she wanted.

Now, I say all of this because I had to get this rant off my chest. I like to go out and I also like to feel appreciated every once in a while. I don't think I should have to tell a man who is supposed to be grown these things. I think he should try to get to know me to see what I like. The guy who gave me the cheesy gift, obviously didn't know me that well. We had dated for a few years (at least I thought) and he still got me something that was not me. I wonder why guys do things like that? This guys would always call me and I would be in one of my favorite stores, Target. Logic says that he should have gotten a gift card to that store, but he didn't. I also had a guy to buy me some products from Bath and Body Works. Now he got a fragrance that is not my favorite and a product that I don't use. Now, I did appreciate that gift more than I did the other gift. I just think that gifts are personal and if you don't really know a person in that manner, gift cards or cash is always good.

My Breast are Fine

I just wanted to update everyone on my lastest appointment. My breast are fine. I had an ultrasound today and they look good. I have to go back in 6 months, but I feel a whole lot better. I will keep you all updated.

Same-sex unions affects everyone.

Today, I went to visit a church in the South Suburbs. This church is located in Tinley Park, IL. During the service, there was a video clip about Proposition 8. This is designed to protect the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman. Now, this post is not about who should and should not be allowed to marry, but it is about the video clip. In this clip, there was a couple in MA (I believe) whose 5 year old son (kindergarten) was given a book about same sex unions. The parents were concerned that the public school distributed this information to their child without their notification. Long story short, the school said since same-sex marriage was legal in the state, they did not have to tell the parents about it and they were free to discuss this issue at any time with any public school age child.

Now, you are probably wondering what does this have to do with me. Well, this issue is a topic in which both presidential candidates have spoken out about in their campaigns. Now, the concern is also with your local legislators. It is important to know how they stand on this topic. I am not in favor of anyone in the school teaching my child about same-sex marriages and homosexual relationships. It is my understanding that the book (I can't remember the title) is already in Illinois schools.

This video clip taught me something I didn't know. If same-sex unions are legalized, educators may be forced to teach this in their classes whether they agree with it or not. I am not sure if I am comfortable with this being forced upon small children at such an impressionable age. Now, what people do in their homes is their business; nevertheless, I just don't know if I want someone teaching my child about homosexual relationships and they probably don't understand male/female relationships.

I hope people will take think about this as they cast their votes.

Is there hope for the future?

I pose this question because another young high school student was shot and killed on the bus this past Sunday. She was not the intended target, but nonetheless her life is lost. This young girl attended the same high school as Blair Holt (who was killed on the bus last spring). I wonder what is really going on in the Black community? It is so sad that many of the young children I teach will probably die before they reach the age of 25.

A few weeks ago, I was speaking with the inclusion teacher in one of my classes and we were trying to figure out what is going on with the students and why they are so apathetic. One of things we discovered was for many of the students we teach, high school is as good as it gets. There will be no college graduations, wedding showers, weddings, house warming parties and things of that nature. There may be a baby shower, but it won't be a grand event. We also realized that many of them won't accomplish much in life because of the people around them. I want to believe that they will overcome, but it is hard when you are fighting with generations of a poverty stricken mentality. Never before in my life have I encountered a group of people who don't see anything wrong with being poor and receiving government handouts. When I was growing up, we were poor and wore hand-me-downs (from a neighbor). My parents didn't receive government assistance (I don't know if they didn't qualify of if it was an issue of pride). We were what you would consider the working poor, nevertheless, we overcame and wanted to succeed.

A lot of my students don't see anything wrong with public assistance and are quite proud to say they receive it. I don't want people to get the wrong impression, I am not against people receiving government assistance; however I am against people becoming dependent upon these services. I think the system is partly to blame for this. When people are in school trying to better themselves, they usually don't qualify for assistance. Now, if it is supposed to "assist" people in a time of need, why can't they get this help? It seems like it is designed to create dependency. As a result, a lot of people and their families remain on public assistance for years with no hope/intention of ending this dependency.

What also bothers me about this is oftentimes people who do not earn a lot of money qualify for various grants and financial aid if they want to go to college and many of them don't take advantage of these programs because of the negative people around them or for lack of ambition. I knew a girl who was receiving public assistance and she enrolled in cosmetology school. Public Aid paid for her school (in full) and purchased the books and materials she needed (curling irons, blow dryers and other hair care items). Why did she drop out of the program? Maybe it was the people around her discouraging her or just laziness? I don't know. I don't get it; if the people around you will talk about you if you do well and if you don't do well, so what's the harm? I say if they are going to talk, let it be for something good.

I want to believe that my students will be successful, but I am having a difficult time buying into this philosophy when they don't do any work or come prepared. I think America has dumbed down education to the point of no return. At the beginning of each school year, I have my students to write down their goals for the year. Most, if not all of my students said the same things: (1) get to school on time, (2) pass all of their classes, and (3) stay out of trouble. Now, maybe I am crazy, but those seem like things you should be doing. I guess if no one is checking behind them, then what the hey! I know for some of them these may actually be a difficult thing to accomplish, but when 95-97% of my students told me this, I am beginning to think that these are home issues. what happened to a student wanting to make the honor roll or be the best in his/her class? Maybe it is because coonery and buffoonery still exist and many of my students have bought into the theory that fools get paid.

I guess it comes down to a few things: (1) America is the blame for this lack luster attitude and social dependency. I think many students don't see anything wrong with Section 8 housing, free lunch, food stamps and/or medical cards when they are wearing the latest designer shoes and clothes, have big screen televisions, and cable or satellite television service. Oh, I forgot to mention they have the latest cell phones and IPOD's. It baffles me that students have all of these items and no dictionary, books or computer in the home. Where are the priorities? When will parents begin to re-focus their priorities and get children the things they need? I also want them to start parenting their children.

Many of my students don't have a clue about things that happen outside their communities. They don't think these things affect them. Well, they can and probably do. I have tried to encourage my students to pay attention to the presidential campaign because in four years, they will be eligible to vote for the next president. If they are not aware of some of the issues taking place now, they won't be aware in four years. They need to know what candidate is going to fight for the poor and which will say to hell with them because they are a burden to society.

I try to be optimistic, but I am having a difficult time seeing the glass as half full. I know it is not all of the student's fault, but when will the parent's accept responsibility? I saw my parents working a job where there was not room for advancement and I didn't want that type of life. I also believe my community environment played a significant role in this as well.

I have often voiced my concerns about the lack luster attitude parents and students have as it relates to students and the educational system. I have noticed that most of my students who don't see anything wrong with receiving these government "benefits" (that's what they think they are), maybe it should be tied/linked to their attendance and performance. I think if the government told parents that their government checks were based upon their child's attendance and performance in school, maybe their attitude and actions will change. I know it may sound extreme, but think about this, when you are late for work, sometimes you get docked for this. Now, if a person paycheck is docked for coming late, why shouldn't these government checks get docked?