To settle or not to settle: That is the question.

I got this article from a friend today and I found it quite interesting.

In this article, the author( who is a woman) suggests that women who desire marriage need to settle. She suggests this for women who are 30ish and older.

One issue I have is that there is never much talk about men settling. In most cases the man is not settling, he's getting a good thing. There are some men who may settle for a woman who may not be the prettiest, but she possesses some domestic skills that may seem appealing to the man.

Another issue was the suggestion that women are too picky or standards are too high. Why is it that women are too picky or standards are too high when they want certain things? If a man wants a women with certain standards, nothing is wrong with that. It's that old double standard.

I think the biggest issue I have with the article was the moms who were encouraging their daughters to settle. What ever happened to a mom wanting what's best for her daughter? Is settling what's best? I am not sure.

What happened to trusting God to give you the desire of your hearts? I guess after a certain age, that goes out the window with the bath water. I am not an advocate for anyone settling. I think it sets women up for a life of misery. It is okay to compromise, but not your beliefs. When women start to do that, I believe they lose sight of who they are.

It's unbelievable

For the people who have been following my blog for sometime, I've often shared the good, the bad, and the ugly as it relates to my experiences dating. Well, I've got some more comical things to share.

There was this guy who was sweating me HARD for a year. I believe he was living with someone and they had a small child, and I guess he thought I wouldn't mind. I was not interested in him for other reasons, but that just added fuel to the fire. One day I saw him out and he kept on trying to pursue me. When he finished talking to me, my sister said" He really likes you a lot".

Well, the other day, I checked my e-mail and he sent me an e-mail to see how I was doing and told me he got married and sent the link to the wedding pictures. I was too tickled. When he was trying to get with me, he was planning a wedding. LOL I hope this means he will stop trying.

Then there is this other guy I used to date who dumped me because he said that it was too much pressure. I'm not sure who was pressuring him, but it wasn't me. When I mentioned this to some male friends they all told me that was a bunch of bullshit!(Which I already knew.) If he's a man and he can't handle you, that's not a real man or the kind of man you want/need to be with. Just imagine what he'll do when things really get tough.

I wasn't too surprised by this guy or his actions. When I met him, I told him that he wasn't ready for me, but he tried to convince himself that he was. He had also made some other decisions that let me know he lacked maturity.

In both of these situations, I believe the males were only doing as they knew. It is unfortunate that so many women will put up with this type of tomfoolery. One of my mantras has always been "what one man won't do, another will." This is true of women and that's why a lot of men do the things they do.

How may times do I have to tell you to STOP calling me?!

Here's the deal: This guy I'll call Joe (he, he) keeps calling me. Now he and I dated (at least I thought so until he said differently)for about 3-4 years. He was always very evasive about some things. I have learned in my lifetime that sometimes it's better to sit back, shut up and watch how things unfold. Well, about four years ago, we stopped all communication with each other. Frankly, I was tired of him and his inability to show me how much of a priority I was to him. Well, just recently I saw him and his family at church (I guess it's his wife and son) and since then he's been calling me. Now, I had to ask him where did all this renewed interest come from because it wasn't like we were in a relationship or anything. Now when I reminded him of that he got all beasty (crazy) and was like what are you talking about. I don't think people realize that words can be very powerful and hurtful and sometimes we don't realize the foolish things that may have come out of our mouths because we have matured or been humbled. Anyway, he was upset that I reminded him of this comment. I mean come on, how can you go out with an individual for some years and spend time together, but not call it a relationship? What was it?

Anyway, I keep telling him that nothing is going to happen, there are no romantic feelings on my behalf and even if there were some, Joe made his decision a few years ago and I accepted it. He chose to be with someone else and I respected it because he could give me the things I desired. Why would I want to entangle myself in that kind of tomfoolery? I just don't get men sometimes. When they have a situation that may not be the perfect, they go elsewhere looking for something better. Then once the wool is removed from their eyes, they want to come crawling back. That's just plain ol' craziness. What is really comical to me is it seems like Joe had realized that he probably made a decision that wasn't the best and now he is regretting it.

To the fellas, when you have a woman who is into you and "you're just not that into her" don't come calling her years later thinking that you can have her back. For the most part when a woman is finished with a man, that's it. If that relationship is dead, she isn't going to resurrect it.

Addendum to the stupid things men say and do

Yesterday I went to church. My sister and daughter was with me. I saw this guy I used to date there with his family. My sister didn't think the child was his but my daughter and I thought so. I had seen him a few weeks ago but he had come late and left early so I did have an opportunity to speak with him. Well, after I had seen him, I sent him a text message saying so but he didn't reply until Thursday of that week. He wanted to let me know how much of an influence I had on his life. During this conversation I told him I had seen him at church and he told me he was a member there. We got to talking and I explained to him how I had been visiting different churches. He told me if I wanted company give him a call the night before. Now, I am wondering how is he going to go to church with me and he has a family.

Well, I think he and this woman had on wedding rings. I couldn't really tell, but it looked like it. I was wondering if it was real. (He was the one who got me the cheesy gift for Christmas and cheapened it even more by trying to pass it off as something it was not.) Now that I think about it, this occurred about 4 years ago and shortly thereafter I stopped seeing him. This child looks like he is about that age. Hmm.... Maybe that is why he got the cheesy gift, to get rid of me to be with the other woman. Does he really think I'm that stupid?

I don't know why men can't or won't be honest with women. It tickles me when they say stupid stuff like "I didn't know how to tell you" or "I didn't want to hurt your feelings". Well, jackdonkey, when you don't say anything you make the situation worse. I also think men must understand that women don't have these fragile ego's like them. We might be hurt and disappointed, but we are resilient and we will bounce back. A lot of the times we are way too good for them and we have enhanced their lives more than they have enhanced ours.

Ladies, we should be thanking these guys when they relieve us of our headache. We should have an obituary, sympathy card and thank you note ready to send to them when it's over. We need the obituary to let them know that this relationship is dead and there is not possibility of it ever being restored. The sympathy card is to get him through his time of bereavement. The thank you note is to thank him for killing the relationship so the person God has for you can come into your life.